HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.