I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.