I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.