He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Then again, he has huge mansions.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.