If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?