Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
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Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!