This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her