I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.