She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been