He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
pray to the hookup gods
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively