I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila