I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila