is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
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Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
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Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.