Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (570)

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  Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?

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  (570): Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning? http://tfl.nu/o1k1
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  Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".

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  (570): Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me". http://tfl.nu/8pyn
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  He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.

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  Marry him. Now.

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  (570): He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight. (1-570): Marry him. Now. http://tfl.nu/5wky
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  I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.

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  (570): I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless. http://tfl.nu/rrlk
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  six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot

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  (570): six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot http://tfl.nu/fwe0
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  It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day

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  (570): It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day http://tfl.nu/m1h1
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  we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.

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  (570): we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up. http://tfl.nu/su5y
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  Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.

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  (570): Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city. http://tfl.nu/2blw
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  don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.

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  (570): don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you. http://tfl.nu/ijol
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  I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...

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  (570): I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons... http://tfl.nu/4olw
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  throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen

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  (570): throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen http://tfl.nu/quuc
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  when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.

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  (570): when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one. http://tfl.nu/52ae
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  Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?

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  (570): Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow? http://tfl.nu/hfr5
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  who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...

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  (570): who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius... http://tfl.nu/rkbg
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  ur mom makes the best bacon

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  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE

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  (570): ur mom makes the best bacon (1-570): WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE http://tfl.nu/0ryx
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