did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!