so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
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whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
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so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?