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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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