I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
