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I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
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