I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My balls are so social today.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.