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My balls are so social today.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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