I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
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My balls are so social today.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
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My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.