That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?