Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Massachusetts (508)

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.

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  (508): I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn. http://tfl.nu/62bv
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  Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?

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  (508): Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit? http://tfl.nu/74kz
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  Love me.

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  GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.

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  Just for one nugget?

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  (508): Love me. (781): GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS. (508): Just for one nugget? http://tfl.nu/9y03
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  i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?

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  (508): i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now? http://tfl.nu/8a2l
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  the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.

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  (508): the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper. http://tfl.nu/4yqm
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  I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.

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  (508): I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate. http://tfl.nu/ga8b
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  i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.

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  (508): i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light. http://tfl.nu/7bfn
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  she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night

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  (508): she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night http://tfl.nu/wuxa
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  I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.

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  (508): I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking. http://tfl.nu/mdga
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  Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher

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  (508): Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher http://tfl.nu/j0wm
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  in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram

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  (508): in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram http://tfl.nu/qw4a
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  We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?

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  Is that weird?

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  (508): We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am? (913): Is that weird? http://tfl.nu/18nc
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (379)
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  Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay

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  Hey there's a sandwich in there too!

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  (508): Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay (1-508): Hey there's a sandwich in there too! http://tfl.nu/8qf0
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  Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area

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  (508): Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area http://tfl.nu/7yxw
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  You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.

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  (508): You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston. http://tfl.nu/25jx
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