The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.