Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (508)

Last Night in Massachusetts (508)

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So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.

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Gonna be tough to beat that next year!

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(508): So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party. (508): Gonna be tough to beat that next year! http://tfl.nu/374f

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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that

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(508): No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that http://tfl.nu/lub4

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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity

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That is awesome that you did that.

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(508): I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity (1-508): That is awesome that you did that. http://tfl.nu/1wsl

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I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.

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(508): I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress. http://tfl.nu/zrup

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Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.

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(508): Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me. http://tfl.nu/wz8g

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he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on

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(508): he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on http://tfl.nu/t183

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Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.

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I believe they call that patchouli.

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(631): Whatever she smells like compost and feathers. (508): I believe they call that patchouli. http://tfl.nu/ql5w

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Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list

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(508): Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list http://tfl.nu/sa1j

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OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?

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(508): OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities? http://tfl.nu/uepx

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He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.

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(508): He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare. http://tfl.nu/rbhx

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Let me tell you the story of bicurious george

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(508): Let me tell you the story of bicurious george http://tfl.nu/xwje

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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us

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(508): I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us http://tfl.nu/g48g

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It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.

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(508): It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience. http://tfl.nu/aded

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It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.

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(508): It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law. http://tfl.nu/9zdw

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You and the dog were competed for the water dish

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(508): You and the dog were competed for the water dish http://tfl.nu/2x76

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Last Night in Massachusetts (508)

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