I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.