I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.