So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
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