Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.