I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time