I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels