I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.