Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i think my cat just said my name.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore