She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.