My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
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I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
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There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.