You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate