You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.