WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.