FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.