Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (254)

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  Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be

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  Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54

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  (254): Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be (254): Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54 http://tfl.nu/ylh4
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  Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??

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  (254): Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction?? http://tfl.nu/xlz3
  Replies (11) Good night (424) Bad night (1481) Order T-Shirt
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  Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.

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  (254): Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat. http://tfl.nu/sxj6
  Replies (19) Good night (1314) Bad night (369) Order T-Shirt
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  I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls

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  (254): I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls http://tfl.nu/dudn
  Replies (14) Good night (2017) Bad night (347) Order T-Shirt
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  This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.

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  Jealous?

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  Very.

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  (903): This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits. (254): Jealous? (903): Very. http://tfl.nu/i9gx
  Replies (8) Good night (2110) Bad night (509)
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  There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator

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  (254): There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator http://tfl.nu/goje
  Replies (18) Good night (2230) Bad night (1219) Order T-Shirt
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  Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.

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  (254): Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick. http://tfl.nu/p5hu
  Replies (22) Good night (3433) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
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  The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.

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  (254): The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight. http://tfl.nu/ef2o
  Replies (2) Good night (1178) Bad night (878) Order T-Shirt
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  Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius

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  (254): Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius http://tfl.nu/icdq
  Replies (11) Good night (1545) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
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  I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.

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  He's majoring in Religion

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  (254): I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka. (254): He's majoring in Religion http://tfl.nu/gx54
  Replies (9) Good night (2169) Bad night (367)
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  You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.

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  (254): You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever. http://tfl.nu/wqqf
  Replies (3) Good night (1845) Bad night (558)
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  Im just a social blackout drinker.

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  (254): Im just a social blackout drinker. http://tfl.nu/yfwk
  Replies (6) Good night (2443) Bad night (666) Order T-Shirt
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  Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."

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  (254): Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen." http://tfl.nu/2yxx
  Replies (11) Good night (3700) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
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  did you find a tooth?

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  did you lose one?

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  (512): did you find a tooth? (254): did you lose one? http://tfl.nu/1ieh
  Replies (16) Good night (3218) Bad night (976)
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  There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.

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  That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.

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  (254): There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option. (512): That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too. http://tfl.nu/lz3p
  Replies (9) Good night (2523) Bad night (935)