I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think people are normalizing furries
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's