When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
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We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No