Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
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yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.