I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...