Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..