Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year