just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
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there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.