We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
either way he was missing a nipple.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave