first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.