it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
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i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.