i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
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either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.