I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
