You're a womanizer and a bitch.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
