After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.