At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...