He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.