he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.