She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.