i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.