All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys