I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She's allergic to latex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".