look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She's allergic to latex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated