I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
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using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She's allergic to latex.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.