i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
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you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.