I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.