Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?