I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
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All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
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He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home