I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.