Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
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This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.