a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.