Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...