the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass