I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.