You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.