Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.