I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.